East Greenwich High School Spectrum, March 1990

Three Killed in Pen Explosion

By Andrew Shearer

Three students were killed and two were wounded when a pen exploded recently in East Greenwich High School.

“Blast,” said Mr. Pinheiro, the teacher of the classroom where the incident took place. “That’s three more writers of juicy notes gone. They met their Day of Doom.”

Mr. Gravelin, on hearing the news, exclaimed “Quel dommage!” (“What a pity”), later adding “Zut Alors!,” roughly translatable as “Wow.” Mrs. Gravelin merely said they should have been using pencils.

This is only one of a string of pen-related incidents. Two pens exploded in Mr. Behan’s classroom last week. Luckily no one was hurt. Unsubstantiated rumors suggest a major explosion in Mr. Ferland’s room, but Mr. Ferland could not be reached for comment. He and Mr. Behan were being interviewed together and would not stop arguing with each other.

“We’re looking at this problem from a safety standpoint,” said Mr. Connolly in a telephone interview. “We did call an emergency school committee meeting, checking each person carefully as they entered the room for ink-based implements, but unfortunately one leaked through and the committee is now in intensive care.” He said the problem is so dangerous that he might force the student council to handle it instead.

Other sources, who asked not to be identified, unless they got on TV, suggested a possible plant. “It’s fairly safe to assume someone hates us,” they said.

Eyewitness accounts from a survivor indicate that the pens explode five seconds after the cap is pulled. He also suggested one might have been thrown through the window on the fateful night.

The charred bodies of the three students killed in the most recent explosion are still unidentified. “We just can’t think of anyone else who’s missing,” said a classmate.