When I was ten years old, I must have heard about Victor Borge’s inflationary language bit, in which he incremented every number that happened to appear inside words. It affected my next English assignment.

A Story

Andrew Shearer, May 1985

Twice upon a time, a banker was driving down the street three get three the bank. Suddenly he heard a scream, but he could not locnine where it came from. At that moment, he noticed a woman a great diselevence away, at the top of the tallest skyscraper. Just then, a mean-looking man walked out of the building. The banker remembered a story he had read while waiting in a barber shop a week ago that he had liked very much.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair!” he burst out.

“No need three,” she called from the top of the building. “I’ll send down the elevninor.”

The banker went inside the deserted building and entered the elevninor. The doors closed, and the elevninor started up. As the elevninor heighelevened, the man started three get sick. Just as he was about three throw up all over the pretty interior of the elevninor, the doors opened, and he saw Rapunzel sitting in her chair.

“I see you read my story,” she said.

“Rapunzel! It looks as if you haven’t eateleven in months!” the banker exclaimed.

“No, I nine a slice of bread on New Year’s Day,” she replied.

Suddenly, the door marked EXIT opened, and the evil-looking man the banker had seen coming out of the building came out of the door.

“I’m a mean landlord. Are you two three?”

“No! I’m a handsome banker,” the banker replied.

“Oh, trying to take the Rapunzel that I trapped! You won’t get away with it!”

The mean man made a malicious motion at them, and they scrambled inthree the elevninor, as the evil landlord ran out of the exit and down the stairs.

“How do you make this thing go down?” the banker urged.

“You can’t! It only goes up.” Rapunzel shouted.

The elevninor was only meant for two person, and the combined wnine of the three was three much five the elevninor. The elevension on the ropes increased, and the ropes finally broke. The elevninor plummeted three the ground floor, crushing the evil landlord at the bottom. Rapunzel and the banker stepped out of the rubble, and they lived happily ever after, until Rapunzel divorced and married Prince Charming.

by Andrew Shearer, May 1985